#619: i've been sick.

so sad. it's 90 degrees here in la and i've had a fever for the past 4 days. boo hoo.

but i'm feeling much better now. so you can expect more bloggage from me. first up, here's the dress that had me feeling the dress envy.



so. gorge.

oh, and if you're wondering why the quality of my pictures is always so terrible, it's because i take pictures with his blackberry. for the convenience of being able to email them to myself right away. so i can post them on this blog. so i have something to do. when i'm not doing wedding stuff. for my wedding.

#615: i'm vowing.

on this blog (because. i don't do something unless i say i'm going to do it. on this blog.)

i'm going to run at least 3 miles, every single day. for 30 days straight.

30 days. of running.

not joking.

that's all.

#600: a & d.

image via etsy seller irenesuchocki (thanks em.)

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have you ever seen that movie. muriel's wedding. not saying i'm muriel.

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i think it's about time i say some nice things about people. and by people, i mean my girlfriends a & d.

a & d are not in my bridal party. but they're kind of awesome. gal pals who protect my very difficult heart and even more difficult mind. it's a tough job. but they do it. and have done it for almost a decade.

sadly, after college, Life never had plans to let the 3 of us to live within 3000 miles of each other. but we've managed to get together at least once every 1-2 years. either in LA or in new england or some random destination in europe.

anyways, all this just to tell you that a & d just booked their trips and are coming to the wedding.

and that i'm so happy, i could almost burst.

me. burst. imagine.

#580: yes.

via daisy chain.

#559: this is how you know.

via le love.

how funny.

fiance told me over the weekend that my love for him is an unattested love.

and i suppose he's right. because i don't care to scream 'i love you' over the mountaintops. eh. i don't even go to the mountaintops.

it's when i squeeze his sides, it's when i stare at him while we're watching tv and i only realize what i'm doing when he looks back at me like 'are you going to kill me' and then we kind of laugh about it, it's when i make him dance with me while i stand on his feet.

it's when i let him in.

oh yes. i do love him.

and he knows. unattested or not.

#544: "girl, i love you."

i don't know about you but i sometimes think about the what ifs and get crazy.

the fiance's not plugged into the blog world much (except for sites like f my life, which, let's be honest -- isn't a blog)...and has never indicated that he'd like to become as obsessed as i have about people i've never even met or spoken to in real life i'm weird i know.

i shared the nienie dialogues with him yesterday. i explained their story and had him read the entry nie wrote on february 7. out loud. {ok, go read it and come back...}

it's not just their current plight that gets me. it's the then and now, everything since even before the plane crash...her husband's love for her, her love for him, their love for their kids.

"girl, i love you."

i get scared sometimes, thinking about what could happen to either of us at any given moment. how would we deal with it. what would we do. from where would we draw the strength. is love enough.

#528: "date day".

i just got an email called "date day".

Valentine's Saturday:

You...me...and some lovey-dovey....

Valentine's to do's:
- Check out the Malibu Country Mart
- Brunch at one of their fine establishments
- Indulge in some rock candy (that's what she said) from Candy Baron
- Culture ourselves and go to the LACMA to check out the Vanity Fair exhibit
- Dinner TBD
- Stop by Blockbuster and pick up Zach & Miri Make a Porno
- Bottle of wine
- Watch the movie and make out all night

and of course i responded.

haiku:
it all sounds awesome
i can't wait to make out yo
"porno", really? ha.

#500: five hundy.

i wish i could give away a car or a tahiti honeymoon or something for my five hundredth post.

but alas, no such luck.

instead, i'll just share that i really want to shut this computer off, leave work midday, upset my boss, get into my car, drive in the rain (safely but really really fast), park with my hazards on a random street in santa monica, find my fiance's building, burst through the front doors of the company he works for, duck and dodge security to find his office, interrupt any meetings that might be going on, and just plant one on his face.

yes. like that. right now.

i mean. i won't. but i'm just saying.


via le love.

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happy weekend, everyone. i love you for keeping me inspired enough to write 500 posts.

iknowineedalifebutaatthesametimeimquitehappythankyou.

xoxo,
tto

#475: getting older.

via black eiffel.**

let's be honest. getting older bites big nuggets.

i mean...not all the time.

but sometimes.

you see...today's my birthday.

and though i'm happy and thankful...

i'm also a bit sad.

make sense? no? ok.

xoxo

**friends got me my very own polaroid camera for my birthday. can't wait to start using it...

#466: see you in 2009.

via absolutely beautiful things.

the big picture.

to wrap up this year (and as i embark on a 2 week hiatus from blogging), i plan to reflect on the past 12 months and think of...

the risks i've taken, the mistakes i've made, and the joys i've experienced.

to become a better person ...isn't really a goal per se.

but that's ok.

because that's what i aim to be, year after year. as defined by me and those i admire.

***************************************

as for the wedding thing...and this blog...

my heart just bursts with gratitude when i think of what it's become, what it's provided and what it's taught me.

and i sincerely thank you for taking this journey with me.

planning a wedding isn't a notable goal in the grand scheme of things. i mean. is it even really a goal.

but i believe that some of the learnings and realizations many of us have experienced along the way can be translated into viable big picture lessons. life lessons that reach far above and beyond just planning a wedding.

and to say it has for me would be somewhat of an understatement. melty, velveeta cheese. but true.

so xoxo times a mil and cheers to more learnings and realizations together in the future.

see you in 2009.
*tto*

#457: lovely lady lunch.

i promised you pictures from this pahtay. i made the soup, the custard, the pancakes and tartines. the ladies loved it. and the drink of the day was the uber refreshing arnold palmer.

side note: the "my water broke!" game was a HUGE hit. thank you anonymous commenter. i highly recommend it. little babies can be found at your neighborhood michaels. sounds wrong...but it was oh so right.














happy monday.

#436: an essay.

i was asked to talk about my motives for starting the blog, about me, my fiance, and my personal process as it's been thus far. i responded to the person but thought it'd be fun to share the story with you as well.

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i was working a finance job in l.a. when i met my fiance. 9 months into our relationship, i was promoted and offered a position in SF. and i decided to take it. future fiance was actively looking for another job at the time and decided to explore his options in SF. he ended up getting a great offer and we decided to move to SF together.

i happened to be a bridesmaid in 3 l.a. weddings that same year and ended up flying to l.a. at least once a month for bridal showers and bachelorette parties. i had also attended 7 weddings the year before. and i was starting to feel a bit like bill murray in groundhog day.

i witnessed a lot of the same things at the weddings - expensive dresses that looked the same, guests leaving pricey favors behind, bridal parties looking exhausted, rooms clearing immediately after dinner at the reception, and couples talking about their budgets and how much they did/didn't recoup through gifts.

and i made a few decisions.

1) i decided that i didn't want a cookie cutter wedding
2) i decided the fiance and i would pay for our own wedding
3) i decided i did not want any of our budget decisions influenced by how much we thought we would recoup
4) i decided i wanted the planning process (and day of) focused around the right things

in my gut, i knew my wedding would have to be different. not spectacular-over-the-top-different. more like...i-will-not-do-something-just-because-it's-standard-different.

without knowing much about the cost of 'all things wedding' other than knowing that my friends had spent upwards of $30,000 for their weddings, i decided that i would be comfortable with a $10,000 budget. i convinced myself that if i had the time to research and be creative, i could really make it happen. i knew there wouldn't be any obvious or easy solutions and i knew it would especially be a challenge because i'd have my own standards of satisfaction to meet...but i also knew there were a lot of things on wedding-checklists-as-of-late that i just didn't care about.

i kept these thoughts floating around in my head and never really talked about it.

until i moved. the move to SF is what really brought TTO to life. when i moved, i didn't have much to do other than my job. it was cold so i never wanted to leave the apartment, my family and friends were in l.a., and the fiance worked much longer hours than i did. i know. cry me a river, right? so i turned to the computer and began the research i had always wanted to do. i had known about weddingbee.com and read it religiously and through that site, linked to others in search of anything i thought would help me with my goal. i had the time. and no. i was not yet engaged.

TTO was supposed to be more of a journal than anything else. a place to help me keep my eye on the prize and organize all my research in one place. but, as you know, it's become much more than that. it's become a forum for me (and hopefully others) to gain support, face constructive criticism, and receive advice. and since TTO, i've gotten engaged and learned even more.

if you've read my blog for a while, you'll know i have an affinity for fashion, food, and travel aka i like expensive sh*t. and at the time when i started TTO, i was working really hard to spend really hard. meaning...i didn't not have the means to spend more than $10,000.

but it's funny how things work.

2 months ago, my fiance was offered a job opportunity in l.a. and we decided he should accept it. knowing we'd be moving back to l.a. from SF, i tried to transfer within my company but...as you know, the great world of finance isn't doing so hot and there wasn't a spot available for me. so with the fiance's support, i quit my job and we made the move.

i decided to take the opportunity of being unemployed (for the first time in my life!) to explore one of my 'passions'. and so now i'm in fashion. i'm clinging to the bottom rungs of the industry along with a 70% paycut, but still completely grateful to be experiencing it. *finally*

point being, the 'budget' aspect of our budget has become more prominent all of a sudden. and i appreciate TTO now more than ever.

have some of the choices i've made been a direct result of having TTO? i'd say most of them have.

and am i glad? i'd say i'm thrilled.

do i sometimes want to yell at people or hesitate about my choices when asked about "white wedding shoes" or "favors" or "flower girl dresses"? i'd say fo sho.

but then i remember that it's not about right and wrong. it's about what's right for you.

and what i've done so far in my wedding planning (both mistakes and successes) has been completely right for me.

#432: status.

done!:
venue.
invitations.
photographer.
dress.
bm dresses.

DIYing:
hair/makeup.
bouquet.
centerpieces.
placecards.

to do:
boyswear.
ceremony schedule.
my vows.
seating chart.
fiance's wedding ring.

i mean. i think i'm pretty much done. what am i missing.


UPDATE...
need to add a few things to the to do:
music.
cake.
rehearsal dinner.

*thank ya*

#387: sorry. it's just more about me.

tagged by dana.

4 things I did today:
1) researched civil ceremonies. #*!@)#@($)(@*#!@%($%!!!
2) talked to mama.
3) watched the hills on dvr while eating lunch. (what is UP with the pratts? LC isn't having it with steph's lies so i'm not too worried about that. but heidi? is she that stupid? how does she put up with spencer treating her family the way he treats them. even if it's all for good t.v., watching heidi's mom cry tore me up.)
4) screamed for 30 seconds. (interview this thursday. we. shall. see.)

4 things on my to do list:
1) cook for my fiance and sister tonight.
2) call 3000000 more restaurants. p.s. i've been following up on your suggestions and will share what i find.
3) go to the gym. you know, one of these days.
4) finish unpacking the odds and ends. you know, eventually.

4 of my guiltiest pleasures:
1) um. the hills.
2) coffee. lots and lots of it.
3) fried foods. any kind.
4) perezhilton.com / US weekly (they're kind of one and the same, right?)

4 random facts about me:
1) favorite book = the fountainhead.
2) favorite movie = love actually. and pride and prejudice. and usual suspects. and that movie with ed norton and richard gere. when ed norton starts clapping at the end, it's like whoa nells.
3) favorite meal = mastro's bone-in ribeye.
4) favorite drink = vodka tonic.

i tag...thou.

#386: ...or both?

i just had another nightmare about our wedding.

we never rehearsed, we were frantically writing our vows up until we were dragged to the church pews to take our seats before the ceremony (???), the ceremony overlapped with an actual church service, our wedding was almost forgotten and the congregation was told to leave and then to come back again, and after it was over, i begged of everyone "could we pleeeease do it over? i didn't get to walk down the aisle.." and no one would listen.

wow. lonely world, these wedding nightmares.

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if you couldn't tell, i walked away from my job in finance. and in doing so, i also walked away from medical insurance, dental insurance, worker's comp, paid leave, etc.

and i feel nekkid.

and although it's rather exhilarating to be freeeeee from the clutches of an industry i really could care less about, i also feel apprehensive and irresponsible at the thought of not being covered, insurance wise (among other things).

so like in any partnership, the fiance and i thoroughly discussed (for about 5 minutes) what we should do. and we've decided to...

ELOPE.

egads. i know. but wait. we're not going to just elope. we're going to elope FIRST. we'd legitimize our marriage on paper and with a civil ceremony...and still have our 'wedding' next year (which is, as of now, i think going to happen in May. emphasis on 'as of now' and 'i think'.)

first and foremost, we'd be ridding ourselves from most of the anxiousness we feel in wanting to get married like Right. Now. remember how we considered november dates and february dates? it's because we really do just want to be married. we've flip flopped on the dates a million times, trying to find reasons to get married sooner rather than later. so eloping first would...offer us some relaxation in that regard. we could focus on the 'family' and 'celebration' part of the wedding as opposed to the 'getting married' part. is that weird?

second, we'd be married. WE'D BE MARRIED! (i guess this would be an extension of the first point...)

third, i would no longer be nekkid.

i think i heard the word "perfect" from the fiance at some point during our talk. i also asked my mom and she was 110% for it. i discussed with friends and they were fully supportive...and even suggested that we ask our photog to photograph the civil ceremony in lieu of our 'engagement' pics (which i think is brillz because i never really saw the point of having engagement pics - separate post about that coming up soon).

so. as strange as it may sound, it looks like we're doing both, my friends. eloping + hosting a wedding. it just works for us...and i can't tell you how excited and happy i am.

1) which date would you use for the anniversary? i think i'm going to use the wedding date, not the eloping date. unless convinced otherwise.

2) i will be sporting a dress from my own collection of dresses. but it doesn't hurt to imagine what it'd feel like to get civilly married in one of these:


via perfect bound.


via ruby pr.


via style.com.

#377: relevant? quite.

via oh joy!.

#376: a real conversation.

*scene: at night.*

me: (brushing my teeth) DUDE. i've been using your toothbrush for the past 4 days and finally realized it this morning. so i'm back to using my toothbrush. but isn't that so gross?! we've been using the same toothbrush for 4 days! so sick. blech, barf, gag...

him: (pointing to the toothbrush in my hand/mouth) THAT is my toothbrush.

me: oh.

...

me: um...well...then WhereTF is my MIND???

*******************************************************

sorta losing it. time to eat more blueberries.

#372: jobs. (p.s. quite timely since i'm looking for one...)

�Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.� - Steve Jobs
via black eiffel.

#360: a real conversation.

(looking at a postcard from a friend who traveled to greece)

him: is it strange that i'd rather be in the woods than look at ruins?

*silence*

me: i'd rather go to a spa.

*silence*

#358: not so awesome.

first, let me say thanks for all of your comments on post #357. i asked because i'm sorta kinda at a crossroads...a semi-twixter, stuck between adolescence and adulthood, not in a "financial needs" capacity but more in a what-is-the-purpose-of-my-life way. maybe quarter-life crisis is a better description. in any case...

1) i'm in banking.
2) i do not love it.

like many of you, i appreciate being able to pay the bills, afford some luxuries, feel independent and call my own shots. but also like many of you, i don't have the cajones (edit: cojones!)-of-steel to drop everything and just go. for. it. i've got the paycheck-umbilical cord. and...even worse...is that i'm not really sure that i even know what i'd want to go after, if i so happened to grow some cajones (edit: cojones!) overnight.

so...thanks to everyone for sharing. i truly enjoyed getting an inside look at what you guys do regardless of whether it garners your "love"...and i'm also truly inspired by those of you who've discovered your passion...had the courage to dedicate yourself to it...and simply love what you do.

this blog thing really just blows my mind sometimes.

so...on to the real point of this post and what was "not so awesome". i had a dream the other night. that it was my wedding day. and after the ceremony, there were like 5 people at the reception. the music was bumpin' and the bartenders were armed and ready...and the dance floor was empty. it was just me, roaming around, wondering WhereTF everyone was. turns out everyone had left. gone home. before the party had even started.

why am i already having these kinds of anxiety-ridden dreams, right? it's. so. not. awesome.