#472: back to the basics.

there's a growing trend towards simplifying our lives these days. timely reality check for all of us (aka me) who thought the world was financially inculpable, eh.

anyways, with all this talk of shedding of the excess, i'm getting more and more emails lately asking how to keep costs down here in good old expensive southern california. and i'm not surprised. because as much as i love this city, it only takes me a second to admit that LA's the ePITome of excess which means things are expensive which means it's really really difficult to stay within any type of budget for any type of anything which means i may or may not make it which means HOLD ME.

so what can i tell you to help you?

well i'm afraid i don't have any specific advice like "have your wedding (insert location here)" or "get your flowers at (insert store name here)". i mean, you know where i'm doing everything...so you can copy my entire vendor list if you'd like.

but...i know every bride's journey is different. plus, lord knows i've made numerous gaffes along the way...all of which have helped me grow and learn how to prioritize. i wouldn't want to rob you of that experience, see.

so without getting too specific, i'd like to impart a few...things. 'things' being realizations i only understood at the end of the venue search road. looking back, it's almost obvious. but that's ok. i don't mind stating the obvious.

1) be flexible. i started my search with the following reception MUST-HAVES: evening, lots and lots of alcohol, raging party, 125 people. it was a non-negotiable, staunch, written-in-stone list.

but after weeks and weeks of disappointing research, i realized...that i couldn't have it all. this forced us to prioritize. i faced some difficult questions during that time..."do i really need to stick to this budget?...would i be happier spending more money?...should i bite the bullet?" but i realized...that the budget was important to me, more so than holding tight to all of the things on my MUST-HAVE list.

to start, we took a closer look at our guest list...and eventually decided to focus our wedding around the people who mean the most to us. hello family. the guest list dropped to 100.

following that, i realized a raging evening party would only be catering to 15% of the crowd. so we changed our evening bash to a luncheon.

and i know you all know that a lunch reception is a major money saver.

so...i guess by "be flexible", i also mean...don't ever count the daytime-wedding option out. ever.

2) be strong. when i started calling venues and contemplating non-traditional options, i was insecure, afraid of and anticipating other peoples' reactions. and that insecurity was realized (times a mil) when people reacted with even the slightest amount of disapproval or dismay.

a HOUSE wedding?! a LUNCH wedding?! at a REStaurant?! WHY?! how about ABC hotel...have you considered it?!

and the best one...

"what about (enter venue name here)? it's cheap!"

yeah, well most of these "cheap" venues turned out to be 1) not really inexpensive by any means or 2) a "gas station bathroom" type of suggestion.

this. did. not. help. matters.

it was annoying...but at the end of the day, i didn't budge when the hints of pity and subtle mention of expectations were waved in front of my face. and i'm glad i never caved. i don't have to deal with any buyer's remorse type pangs of regret of having signed us up to pay more than we initially wanted to for a decent venue and great food. because we're not. and trust me when i say that this feels good. better than good.

so...feel free to go against the grain to help you meet your goals. all of us will support your decision.

i'm no longer insecure because 1) i have a fiance who's so all about this effort and 2) because of the support and advice i've received through TTO.

i'd be more than happy to do the same for you and cheer you on.

3) save time by doing your venue research online. heavily. research blogs, the knot, project wedding, here comes the guide, zagat, yelp, citysearch, martha stewart weddings. i sure did. even before i was engaged, natch. and 99% of the time, i had already looked into the places people ended up recommending to me.

that's about it.

oh, and a few last itty bitty things to note:

don't visit the venue if you KNOW it's going to be out of reach. i knew better but i did it anyways at least once or twice and for some straaaange reason, i always felt rather dejected afterwards.

on the flip side, if you think you could afford a specific venue, take the time to check it out before you start ANY type of negotiating. pictures can be deceiving. just saying.

and LAST OF ALLLLL, if you're JUST starting out and you're planning a wedding in LA with a budget similar to mine, take a look at the venues i considered and some of the outlandishy methods i used to find them. who knows. it may inspire your inner sleuth.

happy hunting.